My Twelve Days of Christmas

December 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm (Culture, Life, My Life)
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On the First Day of Christmas, my true love gave me a . . .
well, I’m not sure I even know who my true love is
And, well, nobody really special has given me anything,
So, let’s just assume Santa gave to me . . .
A shovel to plant a pear tree
. . . because, you see, I really don’t need a partridge at all; we do have enough pets to take care of around here . . .

On the Second Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
. . .Yeah, I’m still looking for a true love, but in the meantime it’s still Santa . . .
Two turtle shells
. . . which I’m pretty sure are illegal to import, and I’m really not sure what to do with, but they are pretty . . .
And a shovel to plant a pear tree

On the Third Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
. . . Day three and still no true love, but Santa keeps bringing me stuff, so who’s complaining . . .
Three French Hens
. . . Now, I know I said we did not need any more pets, but these hens lay eggs and, well, I think they’ll be legal in Sacramento soon – I hope so . . .
Two turtle shells
And a shovel to plant a pear tree

On the Fourth Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
Four Calling Friends
. . . which is really a cool gift, because a lot of my friends do not call very often and I’m thinking I’ve got a few more days of this, so I might hear from just about everybody . . .
Three French Hens
Two turtle shells
And a shovel to plant a pear tree
. . . did I mention that Santa did NOT bring the pear tree; so am I supposed to get my own or something . . .

On the Fifth Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
Five Golden Rings
. . . now, this is getting my hopes up that the true love might be on the way . . .
Four Calling Friends
. . . glad it was not the same four friends today; it is nice to hear from folks . . .
Three French Hens
Two turtle shells
And a shovel to plant a pear tree
. . . I am a bit worried about tomorrow, because I have the hens now and I certainly do not need geese – I cannot imagine them being legal in my lifetime . . .

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
Six Peace Signs Praying
. . . Okay, I think it’s a psychedelic thing, but I like it – Peace out Santa! . . .
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Friends
Three French Hens
Two turtle shells
And a shovel to plant a pear tree

On the Seventh Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
Seven Swans a’swimming
. . . now you just have to understand that Swan is a family name and these were actually distant relatives and, yes, it WAS nice to see them . . .
Six Peace Signs Praying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Friends
Three French Hens
Two turtle shells
And a shovel to plant a pear tree

On the Eighth Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
Eight Maids a’cleaning
. . . and, let me tell you, the house needed it; now, THAT is one nice gift . . .
Seven Swans a’swimming
. . . a whole different branch of the family today – how nice . . .
Six Peace Signs Praying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Friends
. . . and, thanks for the messages, but I’m busy entertaining relatives from out of town and could not answer; I’ll get back to you after the holiday rush . . .
Three French Hens
Two turtle shells
And a shovel to plant a pear tree
. . . everybody’s getting shovels for Christmas next year; I have plenty now; still no tree . . .

On the Ninth Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
Nine Ladies dancing
. . . great, but next time let’s go out somewhere with good music and really let loose . . .
Eight Maids a’cleaning
Seven Swans a’swimming
Six Peace Signs Praying
. . . okay, I’m starting to pray for peace, too, now. . .
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Friends
Three French Hens
. . . thank goodness for those eggs or I wouldn’t know how to feed all these relatives . . .
Two turtle shells
. . . and, boy, do these shells make great bowls, now that there is not a clean dish to be found anywhere in the house . . .
And a shovel to plant a pear tree

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
Ten Lords a’Leaping
. . . so, is one of these guys supposed to be my true love; I feel like the Bachelorette on that reality show . . .
Nine Ladies dancing
Eight Maids a’cleaning
. . . I guess I need to actually ask these gals to wash the dishes . . .
Seven Swans a’swimming
Six Peace Signs Praying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Friends
. . . sorry about that ‘mailbox full’ message everyone; I’ll get around to listening to all the messages soon . . .
Three French Hens
Two turtle shells
And a shovel to plant a pear tree

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
Eleven Pipers piping
. . . I always thought this was a musical reference, but, with all these guests, working plumbing is critical; I hope electricians are next . . .
Ten Lords a’Leaping
Nine Ladies dancing
Eight Maids a’cleaning
Seven Swans a’swimming
Six Peace Signs Praying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Friends
Three French Hens
Two turtle shells
And a shovel to plant a pear tree
. . . still waiting for a tree to plant and practically holding my breath for Santa’s last chance at the true love thing tomorrow. . .

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
Twelve Drummers Drumming
. . . I always enjoy a good drum circle and the dancers are loving it . . .
Eleven Pipers piping
. . . plumbing is now working fine, Thank you . . .
Ten Lords a’Leaping
. . . apparently, they were just here to entertain the dancing ladies and my out of town guests . . .
Nine Ladies dancing
. . . tap dancers today – just a bit on the noisy side . . .
Eight Maids a’cleaning
. . . and even the dishes got done, Thank you . . .
Seven Swans a’swimming
. . . I especially appreciate the invitations to Australia and Scotland; it will be nice to see you all again soon . . .
Six Peace Signs Praying
. . . I think it is starting to work – looking forward to tomorrow . . .
Five Golden Rings
. . . I don’t know what to do with all these rings; maybe I’ll get one of the envelopes they advertise on tv . . .
Four Calling Friends
. . . since my voice mailbox is full, I really have no way of knowing if four more friends called today; I hope they call back later . . .
Three French Hens
. . . still not legal, but the eggs are great . . .
Two turtle shells
. . . turns out these make great stepping stones in the backyard, so I can gather eggs without getting muddy shoes . . .
And a shovel to plant a pear tree
. . . Santa finally left a note saying this is not a good time of year for planting and suggesting I get trees in the spring; maybe I’ll pick up a true love in the spring too . . . 

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Truth is protection enough

July 14, 2009 at 9:11 am (Life, My Life)

Dreary indifference descends around my camp with the settling dusk.
With determination to envelope me,
It has crept behind me all along my hopeful journey,
Kept at bay only by a burning passion and hope itself
 
As I trudge, meander, skip and even, sometimes, fly along my chosen trail,
I have gathered wood to fuel the passion,
As I have gathered wisdom to fuel the journey.
Healing, helpful hope comes to me of its own accord as a grace
 
My camp fires smoke away both the indifference and the dusk’s darkness,
But, still, as vulnerable prey, I feel the danger of the stalking indifference,
Intent on sucking me dry of emotion and hope.
Wisdom urges me on toward a safe refuge.
I am protected only by the ragged remains of passion,
But it is enough – for now.
 
As I set up my camp on this night ,
The last tattered remnants of burning passion turn to smoke,
Drifting away in the darkness that dusk has brought.
I feel the indifference closing in around me,
Cold and without emotion, but driven to invade.
 
Lacking strong and mighty passion to stand guard,
I burn my gathered wood to fuel something new.
 
Not a forceful hatred, for that would engulf me,
But a gentle truth I kindle,
One that will swirl around me uncomfortably
Until it shapes itself to fit within my soul.
 
Truth is protection enough.
Having finally arrived, the truth can never leave me.
It works with me and on me, guarding and guiding me,
Keeping persistent indifference safely distant.
 
Finally, I allow the truth to fit my soul.
I can live this truth without discomfort.
It is a worn shoe that has traveled with my footsteps.
 
Arriving where wisdom has guided me,
Clarity surrounds me with crystal light,
Faceted so that I might see from previously unseen angles.
I watch as gentle truth grows with each new perspective.
 
Clarity is the castle of my final refuge.
Indifference, no matter how insidious, cannot storm that castle. 

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More of the faux friends and family

June 11, 2009 at 10:23 am (Family, Life, My Life)
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I need to rant again – check out now if you wish to avoid it.

I am tired of faux friends, faux emotional support and lip service.

My mother says she will talk to me anytime (presumably about the things I have asked to talk about), but does not.  If I mention anything personal she changes the subject.  She refuses to answer any e-mail in which I actually express myself about anything of substance.  But, boy oh boy, is she quick to tell me she loves me and misses me.   Huh?  She doesn’t even know me – a fact that I have repeatedly pointed out and expressed a desire to change.

But, here latest is the frosting on the cake.  I have to quote it directly:

“I have had the feeling from you that you don’t want to deal with me in any way and I am respecting that.” ~ Mom

Mind you, this comment follows a long string of my requests that we find a way to become closer.  So she gets that feeling from where?  I’m baffled, but I give up.  Ball is in her court.

And, my former friend, whom you may recall wished that I would become invisible so he would not have to see me, sent me an e-mail saying that he “will meet me and talk.”  It was almost an invitation to meet and talk, but not quite.  When I followed up (apparently ineffectively) he left the monkey on back to make anything further happen.   Still no actual invitation.

I told him to call me if he wanted to talk.  He did – and said he was leaving town and would call when he returned.  He left two days later; returned a week later; sent an e-mail instead of calling and has not called since.  I sent a text when we were at the same event, letting him know where I was; left a couple of voice mail messages that have been ignored; and sent an e-mail asking that he just say so if he is not really going to call me. He sent another e-mail saying that he will call – that was three days ago.  I have to wonder if he meant anytime soon and why he started this game to begin with.

So, what is with these people that they say they want to talk, but they really don’t?   And, why do I get so hooked into the whole game?   Ah, there is my opportunity for further growth – gotta get to it.

Thanks for listening to my rant; I do feel better now.

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Faith in Humanity Restored

April 24, 2009 at 10:21 am (Culture, My Life)
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An incredible thing happened today.  I received an envelope in the mail that contained a $2 bill.  There is nothing incredible about the $2 bill itself, but the fact that it arrived has restored my faith in humanity.

A couple weeks ago, I borrowed a neighbor’s car.  Trying to be appreciative, I took it to the neighborhood coin op car wash to clean.  I put 7 quarters in the machine and . . . nothing. 

I looked around for a phone number to call . . . nothing.

I looked around for a sign identifying the name of the business . . . nothing.  Well, not exactly.  There was a sign that said, “Car Wash.”

I got angry.  I wondered how many people on that day lost a little bit of money in the machine.  I wondered what the total gain was for the operator of the car wash. 

I went home.  I started to do some research.  I discovered the name of the business, the owner’s name and contact information.  I called. 

The owner answered the phone, seemed surprised that I had found a way to reach him, and assured me that he would reimburse me for my loss.  I doubted it. 

$1.75 is barely worth making a fuss over.  Most people would have gone away angry and, maybe, cheated the next cashier who gave them extra change thinking that made things even somehow.  I made the fuss. 

The fuss took me a couple of hours, some internet research and several phone calls to government agencies.  Clearly, my time was not worth the $1.75.  But, I had nothing better to do that day and decided to fight the fight for the many people in the neighborhood who have lost their money. 

And, today, in my mail arrived a $2 bill.  It seems much more practical to have sent a $2 bill than to send a $1 bill and 3 quarters.  And, I appreciated the extra quarter for my troubles. 

Next time I go by that car wash, I will check to see if the owner has posted a phone number to call for others who lose their change.  Having fought the fight for the greater good, I hope to see the greater good served.  In the meantime, my faith in humanity has been restored by the gesture of sending an extra quarter when I expected nothing.

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April Fool’s Day

March 31, 2009 at 12:13 pm (Life, My Life)
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For today,

it is okay to be a fool,

to act foolish

to put aside fears of being thought a fool. 

 

For today,

it is okay to risk.

Foolishness is a small price to pay

for all that we desire. 

 

For today,

nothing is serious,

nothing is forever,

nothing can hurt us. 

 

For today,

life is simply a leap into the unknown,

yesterdays to be rediscovered,

tomorrows to be created.

 

Tomorrow is our safety net. 

But for today,

Just for today,

I choose the fool and

wonderful is within my grasp.

 

For today,

I hope tomorrow never comes.

 

 

 

 

 

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Solving the Budget Crisis

February 12, 2009 at 10:53 am (Politics, Social Issues, The Economy)
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During a brief break from my almost-constant working, I was sitting at Starbucks having coffee with the locals and we figured out how to solve California’s budget crisis.   Actually our idea solves some other problems as well.  So here it is . . .

How about if California really (not in the just-for-those-really-sick-people-who-need-it way) legalized marijuana.  Taxing the sales of marijuana would be a good direct revenue source, but the plan does even more than that.  Legalizing marijuana would be a tremendous stimulus package for California. 

Agricultural interests would, clearly, be served by having a new cash crop.  Grapes can only take California so far when people cannot afford to buy expensive wine.   Bars and clubs would need to remodel to create smoking spaces, giving the construction industry a boost.  Marijuana shops could open in some of the boarded-up shops that are procreating all over the state.  Liquor stores would see a boost in sales as they diversified.   Marketing campaigns would be needed, along with packaging, branding and website development.  Accountants would find a new market.  Shippers could put some of their idle trucks to use. 

And, let’s not forget the affects on crime.  Drug dealing on the streets would be reduced, along with the crime attendant on that activity.  Police would be freed to deal with other serious crimes - like Hollywood stops at neighborhood intersections. 

Among other benefits, stress could be reduced statewide if happy hour included a hit or two of marijuana, old hippies could come out of the closet and California would likely see a boost in tourism.

If legalizing marijuana does not provide sufficient stimulus and revenue, California should take a hint from Nevada and legalize prostitution, as well.  We all know it’s happening, but nobody can calculate the gross revenue going untaxed. 

Like legalizing marijuana, legalizing prostitution would create a growth industry.  The construction industry could get busy rehabbing old hotel properties, the health industry could get busy figuring out how to monitor the health of registered or licensed prostitutes and the police would be freed to focus on crimes that actually hurt people. 

I know the pimp lobby will fight prostitution legalization efforts, just as the gang leaders will fight the legalization of marijuana, but I think we can all agree that special interests should not be controlling California during these times of budget crisis.  Can’t we?

 

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How Sarah Palin did Good

January 15, 2009 at 6:22 am (Life, Politics, Social Issues, Uncategorized)
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Yes, I know, you did not think Sarah Palin had a good side, but even she has accomplished good things.  Okay, it was very indirect and she did not mean to, but let me explain.

I do not care for Sarah Palin.  The day she was announced as a Vice Presidential nominee, I started doing research about her.  The more I found out, the less I cared for her.  And that was before the media exploded with news about her.  I like her even less now.

But, she really seems to be planning to run for the Presidency in 2012.  She truly believes she is presidential material.  I’m scared, because I do not trust the voters in the country to not elect her.   Seriously, we elected George W – TWICE!  The first time I could forgive as ignorance, but the second was just unforgivable. 

Anyway, I am trying to keep current about Sarah Palin, so that I am ready for the fight if she runs in 2012.  One of the best sources of information I have found is the Mudflats blog – an Alaska political blog.   I’ve checked out many of the things I read there and my credibility rating for Mudflats is pretty  high.

 So here is where Sarah Palin has done good.  While I am checking out the Mudflats regularly to keep current about Sarah Palin, I am learning quite a bit about Alaska in general – not just about Sarah Palin.  It never occurred to me before, but we get very little news about Alaska down here in the lower 48.   There is a lot about Alaska that I do not know.

Sadly, though, the news right now is dismal.  There are families in rural Alaska that have lost their Fisheries and, thus, their jobs, and are having to choose between purchasing heating oil to avoid freezing to death (I did know it’s cold up there) and food for their kids. 

I’ve had to give up things to feed my daughter on occasion, but never heat in a freezing winter.  I’ve only had to give up three dollar Starbucks mochas and nine dollar glasses of wine.  Somehow, that does not hurt much.   And, I can walk to the grocery store for my daughter’s food and my heat just sort of arrives at my house without my thinking about it much. 

Those people in rural Alaska have to fly in their food and their heating oil.  Sounds expensive and difficult.   It sounds like a good idea to stock up at the beginning of the long, cold winter, doesn’t it?   But, how do you stock up when you have lost your job?   They can’t.  And, they are hurting.  If you want the details, read about it at www.themudflats.net or other sources.

So, I’m feeling blessed in my own life right now.   And, I’m feeling compelled to share the abundance I have with those people in Alaska.  So, Sarah Palin did good.  Sort of.  I’m sure she did not mean to.  I think, though, just maybe, that I feel extra sorry for those rural Alaskans because they are stuck with her as their governor (doing nothing to help them) and they, too, are scared about 2012 (in the few moments they are not scared about freezing or starving to death). 

Here’s the info for helping one particularly hardhit area:

To help, please call:

City of Emmonak, (907) 949-1227/1249 (They will take donations by credit card.  Please specify the donation is for heating oil!)

Emmonak Tribal Council, (907) 949-1720

or send a check to:

Emmonak Tribal Council
P.O. Box 126
Emmonak, AK 99581
Attn: Christine Alexie

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New Year Blessings

December 31, 2008 at 9:46 pm (Life, My Life)
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It is that time of the year:  Out with the old and in with the new.  The whole concept has enveloped me this year as I move into next year. 

Recently, I was blessed with the return of two old friends to my life.  Both were people with whom I shared a spiritual path and both were people with whom I lost contact somewhere along the way.  It has been such a joy to have them both back in contact and present in my life. 

Sadly, though, I have also recently come to realize that I have friends and family members that I simply have to let go.  Attempting to have closer relationships with them is a frustrating, futile effort that leaves me feeling empty and emotionally barren.  Fortunately, one family member has been amazingly honest in disclosing that he does not intend to change the behavior that drives a wedge between us.  I thank him for that.  It makes it so much easier for me to establish and maintain my boundaries with him. 

Without that type of honesty, I can easily get trapped in hope and the resulting disappointment when my hopes are not realized.   His honesty made me realize that I need to have that type of honesty with myself and realize that my hopes are just that – hopes – and I create my own disappointment by misplacing that hope.  When I look with greater honesty, I can see who is a blessing in my life and who is not. 

I’ve been struggling with my daughter’s stuffed animal collection.  It is overwhelming our house.  We recently established a one-in-one-out policy to keep the clutter under control.  Perhaps, I need the same policy with people in my life.

Imagine if, every time someone wonderful comes into my life, I were to eliminate some of the clutter of toxic people.  It seems like it would not take very long to surround myself with only positive, loving people.  Hmmmm.  A new year’s resolution perhaps?

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Post Christmas Follow Up

December 26, 2008 at 7:54 am (Family, Life, My Life, Uncategorized)
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Our new Wii is in the house.  There is a new Wii in a neighbor’s house as well.  The difference is that the neighbor’s Wii came with my favorite – you guessed it – Guitar Hero.  I finally got to see Guitar Hero first hand.  Although I actually did not spend much time checking it out, I did notice some of the song titles and was not surprised to see that even the song titles contained suggestive themes.  Being familiar with those songs, I knew they were not the songs I want stuck in my daughter’s head. 

We all know that sex sells.  Combine those suggestive themes with Rock and Roll and you have a match made in capitalism dreamland.   And the game even looks fun. 

Fortunately, the neighbor’s Wii system also came with an Indianapolis speedway game that was more fun – something about driving backwards through the brickyard and causing crashes really appeals to those kids who are, in my opinion, much too young for the suggestive themes of Guitar Hero.  Ah, the innocence of youth.  I just hope they don’t grow up driving that way in my neighborhood.

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Merry Christmas

December 25, 2008 at 9:25 am (Life, My Life)
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I am sitting here, looking at Christmas Tree number 2 (number 1 is outside with bird treats hanging from it, safe from catching fire and burning down my house), and waiting for my daughter to call.  This is the first Christmas in my life on which I have awakened in an otherwise empty house – alone.  It is the first Christmas of her life that we have not awakened together.  It is strange. 

Later my daughter will be here, friends will come by and we will visit other friends.  Until then, I have made a pot of coffee, turned on the Christmas lights and am reading a book, writing in my journal and generally having a pleasant morning.  On any other day, I think I would cherish such a morning.  But, this morning it feels lonely. 

Perhaps that is why I have come here to reach out.  I will not know who reads this, if anybody does.  But, I will know that I have expressed myself .  That, for me, is enough right now.  For most of my life, I have allowed the lack of appropriate response from other people to keep me from expressing myself.  My new year’s resolution for 2008 was to express myself anyway.  So, here I am, keeping my resolution and feeling rather good about it.   What a lovely Christmas present to myself.

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